Ode to our Long-Awaited Asshole…

The best radio is right-wing radio, at night. These people have an insane hatred of Barack Obama. We were listening to Bob Grant last night, (or Mark Levin the night before- it doesn’t matter, they all sound alike). A caller lashed out at Barack Obama:

I don’t like him, he’s cold and calculating.

The caller was pissed about Obama’s associations with Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright. In a way, he was correct. Obama is a politician, and those creatures are, by nature, cold and calculating. John McCain probably took all of five minutes to reflect on his POW years before exploiting them for political gain. In fact, during his very first Congressional campaign, he deflected carpetbagger charges by saying, “The longest place I ever lived was Hanoi.”

Yeah, pal, we get it. You’re a hero.

Barack Obama, also rootless, landed in Chicago. He needed a coalition of white liberals and black activists to win a seat in the Illinois Senate. He had a few meals with Bill Ayers and spent Sunday mornings with Rev. Wright. It worked. So what? In America, politicians can admit they tried coke or cheated on their wives and they are forgiven because regrets make a person likable. But pols can’t cop to being cold, calculating or ambitious. That would mean they’re assholes, we wouldn’t want that in a president, now would we?

Right-wing callers can console themselves with the notion that Obama probably didn’t care for Ayers or Rev. Wright. Both fringers were a means to end. And the Left shouldn’t care because Obama’s end is a social, cultural and political agenda that is desirable.

Yes, Obama’s end is desirable.

Barack Obama wrote two autobiographies before the age of forty-five. Most people don’t think their life is interesting enough for a blog entry. This week, as the Senator from Illinois, Hawaii and Kansas takes a few days off to visit his dying granny, let us reflect on our luck. This guy is an egomaniac and an asshole, but he’s our asshole and that’s the difference.

John Kerry de-funnies a Joke in Less Than 8 Seconds

Does John McCain wear boxers or briefs?

Depends.

Ok, it’s not a bad joke. Easy to remember, and you can plug in the names of other old Senators after McCain is strangled to death in his sleep by Sarah Palin.

So what does John Kerry do? Say, “suck it, that dude is old and I don’t care.” Noooo. Instead, he blames his joke on the media. Because the media asks dumb questions. First of all, that question was asked on MTV, not Meet The Press, approximately 16 years ago. And second, if you’re going to blame the media for anything, it should be the Iraq war, not a Depends joke. Third, stick to your guns. Remember Sarah Silverman and that “chink” joke? She never took it back. And now she has a series. See the video after the break.

No, Progressives, You Can’t Hold Election Tomorrow…

John McCain is promising to bring up William Ayers at Wednesday’s debate, Sarah Palin says she’s got nothing to lose by attacking Obama. The GOP might lose enough Senate seats to give the Democrats a filibuster-free majorityin Congress.

No, the election can’t be held tomorrow.

It’s about to get ugly. How can you survive the next twenty days? We have a couple suggestions:

The next time CNN scares you about The Bradley Effect, remember that when Tom Bradley was running for governor of California in the early 80s, people were much more racist than they are now. There are simply fewer racists available to lie to pollsters. Also, most remaining racists are less ashamed by their views than they were in the early 80s. Today’s racist willhappily tell you that there is no way in hell they would vote for a N-word. (Or Ay-rab).

Every time you see a white guy at a McCain rally holding a monkey doll wearing an Obama sticker, click on Nate Silver’s site FiveThirtyEight.com- and look at the top left column. Those numbers are Nate’s electoral projections and he predicts a mutherfucking Obama landslide. Now, go dress up your blow-up doll in a Palin shirt.

When your Korean War vet dad hangs up on you after you suggest that Barack Obama is as patriotic as John McCain, remind yourself that the group “Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America” gives Obama a B+ for his efforts to help disabled vets, and John McCain a D. Then call your dad from a different phone so he can’t caller ID you and shout that very sentence real fast into the phone. Then hang up on him.

Please Put This Old Horse Out of His Misery

 

Tonight’s debate is Barack Obama’s last chance to completely screw up and hand the election to McCain. Of course, McCain doesn’t want the election, as evidenced by every decision he’s made starting with Sarah Palin. Still, the constitution dictates that we endure this charade until the first Tuesday of November. The media must pretend McCain has a shot.

MSNBC’s Chuck Todd suggests that McCain “figure out how to disqualify Barack Obama.” Time’s Mark Halperin says, “McCain will have to produce a major memorable moment.” The NY Daily News says the debate is “do-or-die for McCain’s campaign.”

Don’t forget what McCain said in 2004, after Osama bin Laden released a tape during the Kerry/Bush election: “Bin Laden may have just given us a little boost. Amazing, huh?“

Today’s Thing Wrong With John McCain…

He’s losing.

Newsidy Keating Five FAQ

 

John McCain has taken off the gloves. And not just because it’s easier to take his pills that way. He played the Bill Ayers card, and so the Obama campaign has countered with the Charles Keating card, creating a website, complete with a 13 minute documentary about the scandal. The problem with the Keating card is that it doesn’t involve blowing stuff up. Nor does it even involve the usual GOP scandal element: gay sex. It’s purely financial. Will it break through? Maybe not, but some have speculated that the reason the Obama camp went with it was just to goad John McAngry into becoming even angrier and, who know, go into some kind of Vietnam flashback or something during the debate and trying to frag Obama.

So what really happened during the Keating Five? And why is John McCain such a bad leader that he can’t even get his own scandal named after him? It’s all in our Newsidy Keating Five FAQ…

Obama To Return Donations From Terrorists?

 

The Republican National Committee plans to file a complaint with the Federal Election Committee seeking an audit of donations to the Obama campaign. The FEC had previously made the Obama campaign return donations to donors who had apparently used false names when donating online. One such donor identified himself as “Good Will,” using the address of a nonprofit Goodwill Industries location. Another donor was identified only as “Doodad Pro,” and gave the address of a liquor store. And earlier this year, the campaign returned $33,000 to two Palestinian brothers who had given their location as being in the state of “GA,” when they were actually located in the Gaza Strip.

Can’t this campaign spot a fake name when they see it? We wanted to save the FEC’s time so we grabbed the list of Obama campaign donations and went through the names for them, highlighting in yellow suspected false names as well as donations that Obama would be wise to return. Check out the donation ledger below: