A PSA From Newsidy and Genetic Dead End

Hi folks, I know we’re usually really comedic and like to have fun over here, but there’s something very important going on right now that needs to be addressed. 

 

Right now, Californians are facing a monumental vote this November 4th. Not just which president they want, but wether or not they want to take rights away from a large group of people. Proposition 8 is legislation that will end gay marriage in the state of California and, for the first time in history, TAKE AWAY RIGHTS FROM PEOPLE.

 

We cannot let this happen. No matter what your stance is on gay marriage, we can’t have the kind of hatred and bigotry that this proposition wants to create in our country. Everyone deserves equality under law, not just a select few. So please, donate what you can to No On Prop 8. Wether you support gay marriage or not, please do not support hatred and inequality.

 

Update: Apple today donated 100,000 to No On Prop 8.

Obama Not Quite Black Enough For Matt Drudge

Every right winger is unhappy in his own way. How is Matt Drudge dealing with the implosion of the GOP? By tackling the color issue head on. No, we’re not talking about race, we’re talking about actual color: for the last week or so, Drudge has been running all Obama-related photographs in black and white. On Wednesday, there was this one, and Thursday, he’s running this:

So what’s the deal? Is his fedora on too tight? Is his use of color mirroring his waning influence? Why do you think Drudge has gone B & W?

 

Sound off in the Comments.

Mugger Scratches “B” Into McCain Supporter’s Face

So, a woman in Pittsburgh, named Ashley Todd, claims to have been mugged at an ATM last night. And when the mugger saw the McCain sticker on her car, he began punching and kicking herand then he used his knife to scratch a “B” into her face. The woman refused medical treatment at the scene, and the ATM security camera caught none of it. Here’s a photo:

 

 

Not buying it.

 

First, if someone just beat you, robbed you, and held you down long enough to carve a letter into your face, medical treatment might sound pretty good wouldn’t it? At least a little rubbing alcohol to clean the wound? That knife was in a filthy Obama supporter’s pants for God’s sake!

 

Second, how easy is it to carve a B into the skin of a struggling woman’s face? Those loops are perfect! We assumed it would be in a kind of Def Leppard, scratchy font. There’s a reason Zorro didn’t take the name Borro. B’s are tough!

 

Third, not to belabor it, but we would have drawn an “O.” It’s easier, and more immediate.

 

Fourth, he attacked her while she was withdrawing money, but the ATM camera didn’t catch it. Course not. And we’re betting none of the other security cameras in that parking lot caught it either.

 

Fifth, the B’s backwards. Sure, the photo might have been flipped at some point. Or she might have pulled a Morton Downey Jr. and did it herself in a mirror without thinking things through.

 

Sixth, how exactly did he make it clear that it was her McCain sticker that instigated the second attack. Did the mugger shout, “McCain-Palin! Why I oughta…”

 

Seventh, and finally, what makes her so sure the mugger was an Obama supporter? Could’a been a Bob Barr man. Two B’s! Just sayin’.

 

We’re not saying she wasn’t attacked. We just don’t buy that her mugger was so politically motivated and adept at knife calligraphy that he decided to risk arrest by holding the woman down and carving a backwards B into her face (because an O is too easy and he wanted to demonstrate how much this statement means to him). For now, our money says she did the “B” herself.

 

If more evidence comes to light that proves her claim true, our hearts will go out to the woman. Until then, we’ll keep our hearts in our chests.

 

Update: More evidence is coming in, since the police have noted several inconsitencies in her story, and she’s already changed some details.

 

NEW UPDATE: She made it all up. Thanks Ashley, this has been fun!

Al-Qaeda Proudly Endorses John McCain for President

 

Finally, a bit of good news for John McCain. While Barack Obama outnumbers McCain in press endorsements by more than 3-to-1, the Republican candidate has just received public support from what is perhaps one of the world’s most well-known and influential organizations: al-Qaeda.

That’s right. The global terror network is “in the tank” for McCain, and we here at Newsidy were lucky enough to get apersonal editorial from a leading al-Qaeda operative explaining their endorsement. Their argument for McCain is presented below…

Obama Suspends Campaign To Visit Ill Grandmother, McCain Says “Touche!”

 

A good grandson.

Is Obama now just rubbing it in McCain’s face? Where McCain made the disastrous move to suspend his campaign so that he could go back to Washington and destroy the economy, Obama has announced he will be leaving the campaign trail to go back to Hawaii to visit his sick Mom-Mom.

It’s gonna be hard for McCain to call this one a “stunt,” even though it will surely win the votes of a lot of Florida retirees. Still, it’s almost like Obama’s using his last two weeks just to show McCain how it’s done.

Take our poll: How else can we expect Obama will take McCain’s mistakes and turn them into big successes?

 

 

McCain’s Medical Records, 27000 Pages of Health

 

Are teeth supposed to be that color?

Will John McCain live for a single term? His campaign doesn’t seem to think so. McCain’s medical records, which detail his bouts with melanoma, were released for just three hours to a few reporters last May. That set, 1,173 pages, included records from 2000 to 2008. Yesterday, a doctor writing for the Times recalled viewing McCain’s records during the 2000 campaign, and that set was approximately 1500 pages.

We’re not math majors, but that seems like almost 2700 pages of medical records. That’s alot of “cutting out of the Senate a few minutes early today because I got a doctor appointment.”

Looks like the old man is trying to switch physicians. We found of a “new patient information” form filled out by a one John McCain. See it after the break.

Gays For McCain?!

Ode to our Long-Awaited Asshole…

The best radio is right-wing radio, at night. These people have an insane hatred of Barack Obama. We were listening to Bob Grant last night, (or Mark Levin the night before- it doesn’t matter, they all sound alike). A caller lashed out at Barack Obama:

I don’t like him, he’s cold and calculating.

The caller was pissed about Obama’s associations with Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright. In a way, he was correct. Obama is a politician, and those creatures are, by nature, cold and calculating. John McCain probably took all of five minutes to reflect on his POW years before exploiting them for political gain. In fact, during his very first Congressional campaign, he deflected carpetbagger charges by saying, “The longest place I ever lived was Hanoi.”

Yeah, pal, we get it. You’re a hero.

Barack Obama, also rootless, landed in Chicago. He needed a coalition of white liberals and black activists to win a seat in the Illinois Senate. He had a few meals with Bill Ayers and spent Sunday mornings with Rev. Wright. It worked. So what? In America, politicians can admit they tried coke or cheated on their wives and they are forgiven because regrets make a person likable. But pols can’t cop to being cold, calculating or ambitious. That would mean they’re assholes, we wouldn’t want that in a president, now would we?

Right-wing callers can console themselves with the notion that Obama probably didn’t care for Ayers or Rev. Wright. Both fringers were a means to end. And the Left shouldn’t care because Obama’s end is a social, cultural and political agenda that is desirable.

Yes, Obama’s end is desirable.

Barack Obama wrote two autobiographies before the age of forty-five. Most people don’t think their life is interesting enough for a blog entry. This week, as the Senator from Illinois, Hawaii and Kansas takes a few days off to visit his dying granny, let us reflect on our luck. This guy is an egomaniac and an asshole, but he’s our asshole and that’s the difference.

John Kerry de-funnies a Joke in Less Than 8 Seconds

Does John McCain wear boxers or briefs?

Depends.

Ok, it’s not a bad joke. Easy to remember, and you can plug in the names of other old Senators after McCain is strangled to death in his sleep by Sarah Palin.

So what does John Kerry do? Say, “suck it, that dude is old and I don’t care.” Noooo. Instead, he blames his joke on the media. Because the media asks dumb questions. First of all, that question was asked on MTV, not Meet The Press, approximately 16 years ago. And second, if you’re going to blame the media for anything, it should be the Iraq war, not a Depends joke. Third, stick to your guns. Remember Sarah Silverman and that “chink” joke? She never took it back. And now she has a series. See the video after the break.

No, Progressives, You Can’t Hold Election Tomorrow…

John McCain is promising to bring up William Ayers at Wednesday’s debate, Sarah Palin says she’s got nothing to lose by attacking Obama. The GOP might lose enough Senate seats to give the Democrats a filibuster-free majorityin Congress.

No, the election can’t be held tomorrow.

It’s about to get ugly. How can you survive the next twenty days? We have a couple suggestions:

The next time CNN scares you about The Bradley Effect, remember that when Tom Bradley was running for governor of California in the early 80s, people were much more racist than they are now. There are simply fewer racists available to lie to pollsters. Also, most remaining racists are less ashamed by their views than they were in the early 80s. Today’s racist willhappily tell you that there is no way in hell they would vote for a N-word. (Or Ay-rab).

Every time you see a white guy at a McCain rally holding a monkey doll wearing an Obama sticker, click on Nate Silver’s site FiveThirtyEight.com- and look at the top left column. Those numbers are Nate’s electoral projections and he predicts a mutherfucking Obama landslide. Now, go dress up your blow-up doll in a Palin shirt.

When your Korean War vet dad hangs up on you after you suggest that Barack Obama is as patriotic as John McCain, remind yourself that the group “Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America” gives Obama a B+ for his efforts to help disabled vets, and John McCain a D. Then call your dad from a different phone so he can’t caller ID you and shout that very sentence real fast into the phone. Then hang up on him.